GOTTA HAVE FAITH-A-FAITH-A-FAITH

I can’t believe I am actually going to type this next sentence: hearing George Michael inspired me to write this morning. Stay with me true believers...

Our world clicks along its up-and-down roller coaster track and we ride it; sometimes with eyes shut, sometimes with screams, but always with faith. Not just the religious type, although most that recoil from the word envision churches and funny-robed men, but all of the trust and faith we put into everyday life. Faith that if I go to the bank today I can get my hard-earned clams back. Faith that other cars will stop when I go on green. Faith that your job will be here tomorrow and you won’t have to start scoping out supermarket throw away boxes for a new bed. Faith that your choices will bring you happiness. Whatever love or hate you have for the word or the concept, it’s a necessity.

And who is the Lex Luthor of mighty Faith? Doubt. And he is an evil bastard indeed. While Doubt can keep Faith honest and on the straight and narrow, he can also paralyze. I’ve had so many of them in my life. Hindsight can show them as justified, silly, saving, or a source of monster regret. And I think it all boils down to the type. When my doubt was based in an honest questioning and evaluation of my life and choices, it was a voice to be listened to. But when it was based in fear, of change or the unknown or another’s opinions, it was a life leech.

Fear and Doubt can be a villainous team-up. Even Superman would stress. However, I’m going to try and elminate the pair in my life even without superpowers...but maybe I’ll don a cape.

“Faith keeps you going, but doubt keeps you from going off the deep end.” --- Brad Warner

I CHOO CHOO CHOOSE YOU

A long time coming for a blog update. I’m not sure whether it’s that I’ve had nothing to say or just haven’t been motivated to say it. Regardless, someone has convinced me to start a private journal, and this stuff is the first of its offspring.

I’ve been thinking about what has brought me to where I am and the paths I’ve taken to get here. All the tiny little moments, coincidences, and people that have propelled me through this crazy roller coaster ride that will end up being known as My Life.

Looking at the wide world of choices... it never ends. When I was 18 I woulda figured that by this age I'd either have had everything worked out or I'd be dead. As it turns out neither option panned out. These days my best advice to myself is to do what I love the most, to the best of my ability to do so. Sometimes your own idiocy places you into a position where it seems like you have no options. But I've stopped believing that. There's always some way to make whatever situation you find yourself in into a place you want to be. I've even managed to do this in packed cattle-like commuter trains in Tokyo, or holding the hand of a friend lying in a hospital bed in incredible pain.

I made a lot of mistakes because I half-believed those who said I couldn't ever accomplish the things I truly wanted to do. I majored in chemical engineering in college not because I liked it that much, but because I believed those who told me I had to choose a major to hang a hat on for the rest of my life. Better late than never, but I’ve come to be proud of my choices. From leaving engineering and becoming a teacher, to moving to Japan instead of teaching high school, to moving to Spain without a job, to returning to Japan although everyone said “You can never go back.”, to moving to the UK for a girl…they've all brought me to a place in this world that I never dreamed I would be in. Self-five.

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” --- Eleanor Roosevelt